DR. WALLACE: My daughter is a self-proclaimed social butterfly and spends all of her time at high school socializing and organizing events with her friends. Her studies are something she doesn't take too seriously, but now that she's a junior in high school, it's finally catching up with her. She achieved passing grades in her classes for the most part as a freshman and sophomore, but I've already been contacted by two of her teachers this year who have reported to me that she has missed several assignments that were due in these classes and it's putting her in jeopardy of failing one or both of these subjects.

How can I get my flighty daughter motivated to begin accepting the responsibility that she is soon to become an adult? Since she's already a junior in high school, I feel that it's very important she learns this right now before this problem becomes more systemic in her life. — My Daughter Avoids Responsibility, via email

MY DAUGHTER AVOIDS RESPONSIBILITY: Hold her accountable! You've received contact from these teachers and you can certainly speak to both of them individually to gather their suggestions and recommendations, but making your daughter accountable for her schoolwork truly begins and ends with you.

Immediately set up a meeting with her for 10 to 15 minutes every single day in the afternoon or evening, depending upon your personal work schedule, where your daughter will show you the assigned schoolwork she's completed or has currently in progress. Discuss with her what the class is all about, and what she finds easy and difficult about it. Don't be condescending, don't be accusatory, but instead think positively with her, kind of like a life coach would do for a client in the workplace.

Provide her suggestions, encouragement and structure. She needs all of those elements to succeed from here. Sometimes teenagers drift violently off course, especially if they're not being monitored or held to a certain standard. You, as a parent, now have this opportunity to influence this very important course correction along with her at a critical time in her development. Give this some thought, create a plan as to how you're going to engage with her and get to it as soon as possible.

MY SURPRISE PROJECT IS STUCK AS MY WHEELS SPIN

DR. WALLACE: For several weeks I've been mulling over a home improvement/repair project that will greatly benefit our home and in particular the lives of my two teenagers. I've kept this to myself as I wanted this to be truly a surprise once I'm able to finally get the project underway quietly.

However, no matter how many times I've spun the elements of the project and budget in my head, I still can't figure out a good way to make it work so that it will garner the required effect I need to accomplish to make it all worthwhile. I do have a modest budget to get this work started and hopefully completed, but money is definitely an issue and I can't bring in professionals to do it for me.

With a project such as this, one where I continually run into mental roadblocks, how can I find a way to finally break through? I've already read all kinds of professional home repair and remodeling journals, watched countless YouTube videos and even asked several of my friends and neighbors for their input. Some were moderately helpful in some areas, but haven't gotten me even close to a final game plan yet. — Want to Surprise my Teenagers, via email

WANT TO SURPRISE MY TEENAGERS: It's commendable and definitely admirable that you've already put so much mental energy into this project, specifically aimed at improving the lives of your teenagers. I feel you've done all of the logical prerequisite studies and surveys and yet you are still stuck at this point.

Therefore, my advice is to let the "surprise" element go! Pick a great time to hold a family meeting with your teenagers, perhaps on a Saturday morning and create a custom presentation where you can show them the studying you've done so far, what you're trying to accomplish and why you want to do it for their benefit. You can even explain that you were hopeful of keeping this a secret and surprising them with it, but as you've reached several mental roadblocks, you've realized that it's better to elicit their help and input at this juncture.

I feel you will be pleasantly surprised by the reaction you receive. This goes not only for the thanks and admiration you are deservedly going to receive, but also for the fact that by explaining the project to your teenagers, you can benefit directly from their assistance. They may have slightly different ideas and suggestions regarding the overall project versus how you had originally thought of it. Put three minds together as a coalition to figure out how to accomplish this goal and I trust you will be re-energized and recharged immensely.

Your teens are likely to not only provide you with insightful ideas and suggestions on how to accomplish the overall goal, but they may even be willing to commit some of their time and physical strength to help you in various aspects of what you're trying to accomplish. If you commit to making this a team effort rather than a solo project, I trust you'll get it completed sooner, better and more functional overall for the benefit of everyone involved.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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